Thursday, 7 November 2013

Depression and Suicide - Please Ask For Help

When someone you knows commits suicide you break your heart and something inside you is never the same again.

A close family member committed suicide when I was 18.  I remember coming home and my mum telling me. The hurt, the sadness, the anger, still seems fresh to the day. And the questions. What happened? How did they do it? Why?

The say depression is a selfish illness and in some ways, I have to agree but I can also see it from the other side too.

Speaking from the heart I wanted to shout from the rooftops why didn't you talk to me ? Wasn't I good enough? Didn't I make you happy? I could have tried to help.

And in those moments of sheer sadness and depression that I have suffered too, I can empathise. People with depression can't shake off this feeling. They don't wake up tomorrow and all is better. They have this black cloud hanging over them all the time.


Do you feel alone?
image credit pdufour Sxc.hu

Those who attempt to and those that commit suicide feel like there is no way out. They don't think about their partners, their family. They just want the relief of never having to feel like this ever again.

If you know someone who suffers from depression it can by a joyless experience spending time with them but please do. This may sound like I'm being harsh but when they are wrapped up in their own little world it can often feel this way.

Be there for them, listen to them, get them to seek help. That's all you can do.

The Samaritans are there to listen when you feel you can't talk to anyone. They are nonjudgmental. You can ring them on 08457 90 90 90 but did you know you can also contact them in other ways including emailing them, writing to them, texting them or even visiting their offices in person?

On one last note, I wished you had come to me and talked and hugged me and kissed me. I wish those tablets weren't there. I wish you had thought about your family. I wish depression didn't exist. I love you and always will.

References
The Mental Health Foundation - Getting Help http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/getting-help/

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34 comments

  1. There are some wonderful support groups available these days. The Samaritans being one of them. My mother killed herself when I was 7. My father was not a man to talk about these things and at school it seemed to be dismissed. Whilst I felt it is just become part of my life my sisters have particularly suffered from it. Its wonderful to know that people can always have someone they can call that will listen, not judge and offer heart felt advice.

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    1. That must have been so hard. Thank you so much for sharing.
      The Samaritans do great work.

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  2. An immensely emotional post. My brother's best friend killed himself a few years ago and it was awful. I suffer with depression for various reasons and it can feel lonely and you can feel helpless. I've not, thankfully felt that urge and hope I never do but I can understand why some people do.

    The people left behind suffer terribly and I think that is why lots of people feel quite aggressive when it comes to this subject.

    I hope that if someone reads this in that situation, they chose to call that number and speak with someone.

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    1. Thank you for commenting Erika. I think people can feel aggressive as anger is part of the stages of dealing with death.
      I hope you are surrounding yourself with people who love and appreciate you.

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  3. I suffer from depression, I've never spoken to anyone about it as I can usually rectify it myself as I'm quite proactive about it, but it's definitely hard to find someone :(

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    1. It can be hard to find someone who will listen. Often we don't want to bother our nearest and dearest.

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  4. In the UK, 1 in 4 people will experience some kind of mental health problem in any year
    self-harm statistics for the UK show one of the highest rates in Europe: 400 per 100,000 population
    British men are three times as likely to die by suicide than British women.

    I can only repeat your advice about being there for someone Mellissa, It can & does make a difference, possibly a life changing difference, or even a life saving difference :)

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    1. I can't emphasise enough talk to someone please do, often it can help even just for that moment in time. There are agencies out there that can help too like Mind, The Samaritans, your G.P. You are not alone in your depression. Get help.

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  5. To be at the point of staring into the dark and there being no light AT ALL, must be the just terrifying for those that suffer. I have depression I have bouts of almost manic ups and downs but I never get that close to the Abyss.
    A friend did in Dec and I am still angry with him.
    It's not having answers I think that is the most painful.

    Terrible thing and much harder for men to be upfront and ask for help.

    Good post Mellissa xxx

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    1. Yes men don't seek help, it's not 'Macho' to do so, it's so much harder than for women for them to talk about their feelings.

      Hugs Lynn xxx

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  6. charlotte clavier7 November 2013 at 13:31

    Im so sorry to read this mel & other similar stories on this post. I cant imagine what would make someone come to the conclusion that the only way out is to take their own life. I have members of my family that suffer from depression. Some have had remarks made to them that all they need to do is cheer up. Apart from that remark being unhelpful it also makes people less likely to open up & tell anyone when they do suffer from it. Its not a matter of cheering up. Being low & being depressed are to different things. Being depressed is a clinical issue & should be treated as such. If you know or live with someone who is clinically depressed all you can do is support them by letting them know that you don't judge them & you love them regardless. Tell them you love them often. Even by something as simple as a hug. Thank you mel for this blog post :)

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    1. Thank you for commenting Charlotte I really appreciate it.

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  7. We've got depression in our family too. People don't realise that clinical depression is an illness - an imbalance of the chemicals in the brain (hence the prescription of serotonin etc). It's not something you can always shake off on your own. Suicide is not a 'rational' act. Good post Mel.

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    1. You are right depression is an illness and there are two types endogenous depression and reactive depression. A physical illness is easy to see a mental illness you cannot. People feel at easy and offer empathy to those with a physical illness.

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  8. I don't have any direct experience with suicide, but I can only imagine how hard it must be on the family and friends.
    We need more campaigns which will make people aware that help is available before it is too late.

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  9. An amazing post with some very honest and heartfelt responses. As a depression sufferer married to a depressive, I am lucky that our bad times rarely collide and we find our way through together but not everyone is so lucky. Just a hug and a kind word can make a huge difference. Forgive me for not being brave enough to tell you who I am x

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    1. Thank you for sharing your experiences xxx

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  10. Hiya Mel. Firstly *huge hugs*
    I have been "there" I've wanted to and tried to die. To end everything, to make it stop. More than once.
    I think it makes me sound awful but I did consider my family, and it still seemed the best action to take at those times. One time (where I planned to get run over. Double decker bus route on blind corner) I'd packed Jen's buggy bag with milk, nappies, then medical records, birth cert to prove id, a few dats clothing and favourite belongings. I put his buggy brakes on, facing away from road near a church and walked out. Eyes closed. It missed :-/ at this point doctors insisted I didn't have pnd.

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    1. I really feel for you Julie. It must have been awful, my heart goes out to you.

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  11. What an amazing post and I truly hope this post helps someone. I won't speak about my own personal experience with suicide as it's not my story and I am still traumatised by what happened, but it helps to know there are others out there who can identify and help. #pocolo

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    1. Thank you for commenting. People can help. You are not alone even if you feel like it.

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  12. I've suffered with depression for many years, and have put my family through the heartache of serious overdoses in a way to end it all. It took 13 years to finally be diagnosed with PTSD due to a traumatic childhood and finally get the help I had been seeking.

    MIND are a fantastic support for people like myself. But for me I found that the best therapy was actually Group Therapy. I was very unwilling at first to attend as I thought it would be just us talking about how poop our lives were - but it was actually a life skills and how to cope as our coping mechanisms are a little screwy!

    It's taken 1 long year so far to finish the first part of my therapy but I now have the skills in place to not go and hide in the bathroom to self harm, but to carry on even though I'm breaking inside and everything is bleak. Depression and other mental illnesses are not spoken about widely enough, and the stigma attached to them is horrendous. It's taken me 3 years to open my curtains and to go to the shops without fear.

    I still have bad days, don't get me wrong, and I accept that I probably always will. But in my darkest moments I couldn't see what I had or who was there for me. All I wanted was to end the incessant pain and be at peace. Those that count are still by my side, but they are very few.

    Sending you hugs as I read your post and also thanking you for speaking out. We need to speak out and stop the stigma that prevents so many people from seeking help. I am fortunate enough to have a fantastic boss, who understands my bad days - as I work from home (I was too scared to apply for jobs once I was diagnosed as I thought I would be unemployable) in a flexible role she has been a great support! and I am fortunate enough to have a strong husband and children, who understand that some days are still a struggle and not to push me too hard.

    xxx

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    1. Thank you for sharing your experiences and in particular of group therapy. I used to be a psychiatric nurse so now how well this can work. Building your coping mechanisms can help.
      We do need to speak out about mental health issues so often it is swept under the carpet and not spoken about. Thank you for commenting.

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  13. not all depression is diagnosed properly either... I have fibromyalgia anyway which cites depression as part of that condition. As such the doctors turned me away saying that nothing more could be done as I was "being medicated" for it through the fibro meds. It took almost losing my daughter to cancer for people to realise that I never ever spoke about how I felt towards life and living or about the guilt I carry around for wanting to end my pain when I have 2 beautiful daughters and now 2 fabulous grandchildren to live for...I haven't tried yet and not sure that I would because I have these people but it doesn't mean there is anyone to talk to...I cannot and will not place this burden on them when they all carry so much knowing we will lose my eldest at some point before her time

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    1. When you are feeling so low please talk to someone like the Samaritans - they can listen and accept you for what you are. Please seek help in these times. ** Hugs **

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  14. This is such a difficult subject. My Auntie committed suicide. She was estranged from all of her family when I was just a child but, as I have got older I know I would have gone to find her - it was her who ignited my interest in horses. I wish she had spoken to us, she must have felt so lonely.Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

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    1. Thank you for commenting Victoria. I really appreciate it. I am sorry about your Auntie. Depression is an awful illness.

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  15. Thank you for this blog post. Its very good for us to all realise that there are people around us who are feeling like this.

    If someone close to you does end up killing themselves its also very important to remember that often there may have been nothing you could do or say to help. A friend of mine knew he was loved by his friends and family yet still it was too much and he took his own life.

    Sometimes all we can do when someone is feeling that low is just to let them know we care for them and we are there for them if/when they need it.

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    1. I agree - just being there for them if and when they need is can help. Thank you for you comment

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  16. It's so true. We can be so far into our owns heads in these times that there is nothing else to think about. There's no room for consequences or the feelings of others, it's horribly selfish but it's all about making everything stop.

    Thank you for sharing this and I'm glad to have found it through the mental health weekly round up.

    ~ K

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    1. Thanks for your comment, depression is a terrible illness. I am glad you feel this is worth reading and commenting on.

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  17. What a beautifully written post - I too understand - I did try to take my own life, I am still somewhat angry that those who say loved me where not there did not see and didn't know what to do. Mental illness is a killer.

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    1. Thank you for commenting Emma, I so hope that you feel better now, hugs xxx

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