A close family member committed suicide when I was 18. I remember coming home and my mum telling me. The hurt, the sadness, the anger, still seems fresh to the day. And the questions. What happened? How did they do it? Why?
The say depression is a selfish illness and in some ways, I have to agree but I can also see it from the other side too.
Speaking from the heart I wanted to shout from the rooftops why didn't you talk to me ? Wasn't I good enough? Didn't I make you happy? I could have tried to help.
And in those moments of sheer sadness and depression that I have suffered too, I can empathise. People with depression can't shake off this feeling. They don't wake up tomorrow and all is better. They have this black cloud hanging over them all the time.
Do you feel alone?
image credit pdufour Sxc.hu
Those who attempt to and those that commit suicide feel like there is no way out. They don't think about their partners, their family. They just want the relief of never having to feel like this ever again.
If you know someone who suffers from depression it can by a joyless experience spending time with them but please do. This may sound like I'm being harsh but when they are wrapped up in their own little world it can often feel this way.
Be there for them, listen to them, get them to seek help. That's all you can do.
The Samaritans are there to listen when you feel you can't talk to anyone. They are nonjudgmental. You can ring them on 08457 90 90 90 but did you know you can also contact them in other ways including emailing them, writing to them, texting them or even visiting their offices in person?
On one last note, I wished you had come to me and talked and hugged me and kissed me. I wish those tablets weren't there. I wish you had thought about your family. I wish depression didn't exist. I love you and always will.
The Mental Health Foundation - Getting Help http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/getting-help/