The recent circumstances in the world with the current pandemic has been incredibly stressful for many of us. In the UK we've been encouraged not to travel unless it's essential and due to health reasons some of us may have been shielding. 

You may have been furloughed and been spending increasing amounts of time at home, or have had to work from home or even unfortunately been made unemployed. For some of us, this has affected our relationships and even our marriage.  Let's have a look at this further and what you can do to save your marriage.

Divorce statistics



The latest divorce statistics in the UK show that over 90,000 couples got divorced in 2018, which is a drop from the year previously. However, I wonder what the statistics will be like for 2020 when they are released in a couple of years?  It's certainly been a stressful year so far.

Can you save your marriage? 

Sometimes a divorce can seem like the only option but if you don't want to find a UK lawyer to help you get divorced then there are some things you can do.

What you can do to help your marriage

1. Talk



Marriage needs to be built on communication. So the first thing is to sit down and talk. Talk about your marriage, talk about why you want to get divorced and talk about if you can save the relationship. You may need a mediator or a marriage counsellor to help you work through this process. It's worth considering help, especially if there are children involved. If you cannot talk about the issues then it may not be worth saving.

2. Write down why you got married in the first place

It's worth revisiting why you got married in the first place, so write it down. Write down what attracted you to them, why you wanted to commit, what happened since and where you want to go with the relationship. Question do you really want to get divorced? Getting divorced is a big upheaval, both emotionally and potentially financially.

3. Accept the past 

It can be hard to forgive but you do need to accept what has happened and move on to make a new start with a marriage. Whether that is infidelity, a secret you found out or something else. This can be very hard to do and may take a long time but you have to learn to accept the past for you will need move on.

4. Put the time in on your marriage

You need to work on a marriage and put it first especially in times of trouble. Set aside some time to do things together where you have fun. Try a date night every week if you can. Get dressed up and take your partner out, or even make the effort to have a date night in with special occasion food and dress up if you can't go out. Spend time when you are on your own without the kids on a regular basis and talk. It doesn't have to be talking about serious things but talk like you first got together. 

5. Look after yourself

You also need to put the time in to look after yourself too. Don't count on your partner to fulfil your every need. Spend time on what makes you happy such as hobbies and interests.  It's good to find your own group of friends.  Try to do something every day to make you laugh. When you are happy with yourself you can be happy in a relationship.  

6. Sometimes things cannot be resolved

Sometimes things cannot be resolved and that's ok. Instead, you need to agree to disagree rather than arguing all the time. I know it's hard but it may need to be done to save your marriage. It saves stress and it saves emotions. Why not think of a silly word to say to stop you getting into an argument? It can stop the negative thought process and may even make you laugh. 

A broken marriage cannot be easily solved but it can be done, I hope this article has given you something to think about.

* Collaborative post

Marriage isn't easy, and most marriages have their ups and down. If your marriage is going through a bad patch,  there are some things you can do to improve it. This is especially true if you are thinking of getting a divorce. Here are some things to consider if you want to prevent divorce. 

Communication




Communicate and really listen to your partner. Spend time every day where you talk to each other. If this is a problem, perhaps work patterns make this difficult, make an effort on your days off to really spend time together and talk, and not just talk, really listen too. 

Forgive the past

It can be very hard to forgive what's happened in the past but to move on and make a relationship work then you need to work through this. Of course forgiving doesn't mean you forget but holding resentment is not the way to move on. If you are finding it hard to forgive, you could consider couples therapy.

Apologise if you need to

Sometimes a mistake is made and you may not want to admit it. But admitting it is not a failure. We are all human after all. An apology can go a long way to making the other person respect you for your mistake and can clear the air. so don't be afraid to apologise if you need to.

Don't let resentment build up

From little things like never helping around the house to major things like not accepting a step-child, there could be times when resentment can build up.  Don't let this happen as it can be corrosive to a relationship. No one wants to be taken for granted or want their child not to be accepted by a partner. Talk, try and fix the issue and allow yourself to move on. If you can't do this consider therapy as it can work to resolve issues.

Take care of yourself

Take care of yourself both emotionally and physically. Do everything you can to improve your appearance, and this will boost your self-esteem. Perhaps buy yourself some new clothes or start taking regular exercise, and this, in turn, will have a knock-on effect in your confidence   Confidence is attractive and your partner will notice that you have taken care of yourself and that you have a glint in your eye again. 

Don't take each other for granted




As mentioned before don't take each other for granted. Share responsibility for chores, the kids, for certain bills - perhaps for various reasons it can't be equal responsibility but help out if you can.  Treat your partner now and again to a small gift, leave a romantic note in their lunchbox, surprise them with a night away in a hotel, comment on how great they look, and most importantly be kind. A bit of give and take is needed in a relationship now and again. 

Arrange date nights

Regular date nights can really help a relationship and doesn't have to be expensive. Making an effort to dress up, and go for a meal out, or going bowling and for drinks, or making an effort to stay in without any distractions, but doing something special like watching a film together with a takeaway can all help. It's the time you spend together that is the key. 

Have your own interests 

Don't lose your sense of identity. Although you may be in love with the other person and do almost everything together and of course shared interests are important but it's also important to have your own interests too. Exploring interests gives you a sense of achievement and makes you whole as a person.

Be intimate

Being intimate with your partner is important in a relationship. Although sex is important, and this doesn't have to mean full intercourse, emotional intimacy can be even more important. Being connected to each other, laughing about something silly, holding hands, kissing each other before work every day, can all add to the level of intimacy in a relationship and make you feel close to the other person. 

*collaborative post