Helping Your Child With Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is a natural part of growing up, especially during early childhood. Many children feel anxious when saying goodbye to a parent or carer, whether it's at nursery, school, or even when being left with a trusted family member. While it's a normal stage of development, it can be challenging for both the child and the parent. With the right support and strategies, children can learn to manage these feelings and gain the confidence they need to feel secure and independent.

What is Separation Anxiety?

This private school in Surrey suggests that separation anxiety refers to the distress some children experience when they are apart from their main caregiver. It often begins around 6 months of age and can peak between 10 to 18 months, but for some children, it can continue into school-age years. Signs can include crying, clinginess, tantrums, or physical complaints, such as stomachaches, when anticipating separation.

Why It Happens

Children form strong attachments to their caregivers, who represent safety and comfort. When that connection is disrupted, even briefly, it can make them feel vulnerable. Big life changes, such as starting school, moving to a new house, or the arrival of a new sibling, can intensify these feelings. Some children may also be more naturally anxious or sensitive to change.

Tips to Ease Separation Anxiety

1. Establish a Predictable Routine

Consistency provides a sense of security. Try to keep daily routines, especially around goodbyes, as consistent as possible. Knowing what to expect can reduce anxiety.

2. Practice Short Separations

Start with short periods apart and gradually increase the time. For example, leave your child with a grandparent or a trusted friend while you pop out. Each successful experience helps build trust that you’ll return.

3. Create a Goodbye Ritual

A special phrase, hug, or wave at the door can give your child a sense of reassurance and help signal that everything is okay. Keep goodbyes brief and positive—lingering can increase anxiety.

4. Avoid Sneaking Off

Although it might seem easier to leave without your child noticing, this can increase fear and mistrust. It’s better to say a calm, confident goodbye, even if it results in a few tears.

5. Offer Comfort Items

A small toy, keyring, or note from you can act as a transitional object. It gives your child a reminder that you’re thinking of them and will be back soon.

When to Seek Further Help

If your child’s separation anxiety is intense, long-lasting, or interfering with daily life (such as refusing to go to school regularly), it may be time to seek professional advice. Your GP, health visitor, or a child psychologist can offer support and guidance tailored to your child’s needs.

Be Patient and Reassuring

It’s important to stay calm and understanding. Reassure your child that their feelings are valid and that you will always return. Over time, with encouragement and gentle steps, most children will become more confident and comfortable with separation.

Separation anxiety is a common and temporary part of childhood. By showing empathy, building trust, and establishing routines, you can help your child navigate this phase with greater ease. Remember, your support and reassurance are the most powerful tools in helping your child feel safe and secure, even when you're not right by their side.

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